How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
