I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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