I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
