Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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