Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
