Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think your dad took our porno
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
