mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
