He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
