Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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