I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
