also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
