So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
