your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
