So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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