He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
