Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
