...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
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