Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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