I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
