I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
