I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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