u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize