he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize