i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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