Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize