I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
