ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
