Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
