This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
