Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
