this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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