If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
