Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
