Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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