let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
