hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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