fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
