I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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