im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
