um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
