I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
