Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
