I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
