Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
