A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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