Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
