Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
