do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
