Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
