Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
