I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
