You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
