We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There r osticjed everywhere
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Still dying that you shit outside
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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