dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
