Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
