I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
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