I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
