a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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