Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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