Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
