he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
