I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
