Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
