i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
