I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
