you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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