Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
