Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
