So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
