he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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