I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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