last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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