everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
