been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
