rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize