I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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