Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Randomize
