Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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