How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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