I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Your cock deserves a montage
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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