Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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