thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Im part way to drunk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
