Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
