if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize