is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
