just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
