Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
