corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
