I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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