Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
