I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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