I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
