I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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