I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize