i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
His nipple licking is glorious
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