you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
