ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
