is your mom at the bar?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize