your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
