i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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