Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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