its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
