Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
