Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
