I smell stomach acid.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
