You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just found puke in my bra..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
