Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
