I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
