I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
