I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
