Who wears a wallet chain?!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
