do herpes really smell.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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