ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
