I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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