yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize